I ate a teaspoon of chicken noodle soup yesterday. I've been trying to get over relying on weed to help me eat. I think I ate some food on Saturday but since have had nothing more than a bit of soup and water. I'm never hungry anymore. The Doc told me that it's rare but because some of my stomach is now gone the nerve endings that tell you when you are full or hungry just don't work the same way anymore. Instead I feel hunger pains but I was warned that if I feel pain then I have gone far too long without food. She gave me an example of what I should be eating in a day:
Breakfast: cup of berries
Mid-morn: glass of milk
Lunch: handful of nuts and a cracker with cheese
Afternoon: yogurt
Dinner: very small piece of salmon and a bit of veg
Evening: kiwi
OH YEAH RIGHT! That's NEVER going to happen so I told her so. I said I'm lucky if I can eat a handful of nuts and a bit of chicken in a day! This seemed to displease her...
She wanted me to see a psychologist. She said that test have shown that my insides, although patch worked, should be working as expected by now and implied that it could be my previous relationship with food effecting me. It's possible, even likely, but as I'm moving to Canada in 8 weeks it seemed pointless to start seeing someone here. As far as I'm concerned, things are getting very slowly better anyway. Plus, I appreciate the irony that someone who used to weigh 23 stone 7 can't even force herself to eat. Tragically funny.
I felt faint this morning. I was tidying before D and her twin girls came round and I felt my vision blur. I know that if I don't get something down me I could faint and that's not good when you're home alone with a 2 year old. But the only way I have any chance of keeping any food down is to smoke da pot and that's not even guaranteed to help! I suppose it doesn't help that I was chatting to J until 2 am then to my Canadian J until 3:45 am and THEN E woke up at 4 am demanding to be let up. That was never going to happen so he punished us with his adorable ear piercing screams until 4:45 am. Fun times when you have to be up at 7.
Somehow though, me being me, I still managed to get a bit of action this morning before I then spent 10 minutes heaving my insides into the toilet. Classy.
So, if I could eat?...
I would. Simple as.
