A's online but still not communicating with me. I'm going to give up now until he does. maybe he just needs some time but either way I'm sure he'll say he's just been busy. Why do the boys I know play so many games?

I know from experience that it can be hard to give up the 'what if?' fantasy, especially when reality has issues you were hiding from. For the past 8 years I have wondered about my first love B and whether we'd ever meet again. It's only since speaking to him last year, and occasionally since, that I've come to see the boy I knew grew into a man I'll never know in the same way again. The fantasy slipped away...

It's shite outside. E's is trying to burn off energy before his nap but racing up and down the hallway on his knees. I'd bring him out but as he's still throwing himself on the ground to crawl, it's a massive pain in the rump on muddy days. I suppose one could argue that all kid related activates are a pain in the rump but let's not nitpick.

G will be home tonight at 8. YAY! I enjoyed the time alone in the house, I have to admit. I put clean sheets on the bed and they still smell like girl this morning! And the bedding wasn't all rumpled! Course, there was no one to steal cuddles and heat from so it evens out I suppose.

My g/f SQ came for dinner last night. I'm trying to convince her and her b/f to come with us to Toronto. We looked through old photos of us and had a laugh.

I met SQ when we lived beside each other in 2002. I actually met her partner AM first when I ran out of the house one day in a t-shirt and knickers to catch G as he'd forgotten his lunch. Well of course I got locked out as G drove away oblivious. Luckily my neighbour I hadn't met was in. He invited me into his and SQ's flat, made me a cup of coffee had a laugh at my expense and told me I could stay as long as I wanted but that he was off to work! How trusting is that?! After that we quickly became the best of friends. AM was the boy FRIEND I desperately needed here because I was missing my Canadian Boys so!

AM died that same year. He had a congenital fault which was never meant to seriously harm him. He died in my arms. I don't get sad when I remember him anymore but I do miss him. There is no one quite like AM was.

SQ and I become close after AM died. Anyway, she left about 10 so I sat round chatting to a certain girl I find myself drawn to lately. I'd have to be honest and say that I think she is the most attractive girl I have seen in my life (although I can't quite pinpoint what it is!). Her new beau agrees!

Sadly, I got drawn into a long telephone conversation and by the time I came back she'd ditched me and I got stuck chatting to this guy who has been trying to shag me for 2 years. despite the fact that EVERY SINGLE TIME he tries, he is met with,
"MW, do I ever cross this line with you? No. Will I ever? No! I am a GOOD GIRL!"

I lost interest and was in bed by midnight.