It's 7:48 am as I write this. My day began almost an hour ago. E's inner clock is winding down with the season...

Today is WEIGH DAY. Yesterday was PILL DAY.

Silly that I'd hide things in a blog I'm meant to have so I can get EVERYTHING off of my chest, right!?

Well, I haven't been completely honest about WHY I have been so unwell this year. that's because I hate thinking about it. I'm embarrassed.

I HAVE had issues with my stomach for years. I was angry with my mother once when I was 17 and ate over 100 pills. I quickly realised I loved myself way too much to do me any harm and began to vomit up the pills. Sadly the damage was done...

I've had bleeding ulcers in my stomach, a hiatus hernia and a bunch of reflux issues. I lost a few stone awhile back and the reflux and hernia went away.

ANYWAY, (stalling) the operation I had at the end of May wasn't anything to do with that.

I had a roux-en-y gastric bypass. OMG I hate saying/writing/admitting that! My hands are literally shaking! Stupid really...

Ok. So, in February of this year I hit 22 stone 13!! I knew I was meant to have this operation sometime this year but also knew I needed to change my lifestyle. I went to weightwatchers.

I changed my eating, cooking, shopping, exercise habits. I got down to 19 stone before it was time for a 2 week 800 calorie a day liquid diet. I can honestly say I didn't struggle through any of this. I was determined and full of positive energy.

I wasn't so positive about the operation. Not scared, just wondering if I was making the right decision as my new lifestyle seemed to be doing me wonders.
I spoke to the people at the hospital and they told me that someone who has been as overweight as I was will not lose and keep off as much weight as this operation should do.

"What sort of weightless can I expect then?" I ask.
"The average is 60% of your excess weight at the time of the operation."

MATHS
I weighed 19 stone (!). My ideal weight is about 9 (!!!). That's a difference of a person. 10 stone. 60% of 10 stone is 6 stone. 19-6=13 stone. That's what I should lose if I am 'average'.

Well, we all know I'm anything but! They said that because I'd already lost weight on my own and changed my lifestyle that in their experience I will be one of the ones who does very well.

So, had the operation. No one was honest with me about what i would go through. My auntie had it done 4 years ago and the bitch told me she was back at work in 5 days. LIES. I came home after 3 days weak as a kitten, in huge amounts of pain. I drank soup, milk, had yogurt and custard.

4 days later I began to get violently ill. I was taken into clinic (I remember that much!) but by the time the doctor got to see me my temp was so high I went into shock. They called an ambulance and I was taken to hospital AGAIN! My temp hovered at 108 for days. The medication and antibiotics they were pumping me with kept me from bursting into flames (although I thought I was encased in ice a few times!). I didn't eat, or drink.

A week later my temp started to go down so I checked myself out. No one ever found out where the infection was or what happened to me but since then I have had no appetite and (although recently getting better) eating is a very unpleasant experience indeed!

I didn't eat anything for over 3 weeks. It's AMAZING how little we can live on! I had apple juice, water and whole milk (occasionally with nesquick in it). I wasn't ingesting more than a cup a day of liquids at one point. In the end dehydration got me with muscle spasms and I had to begin to drink more water. Then the fainting started. And E wouldn't eat because I wouldn't.

I'm struggling a bit. I have to take a LOT of pills and vitamins for the rest of my life. I don't absorb protein well so I crave it. I'm never hungry but if I forget to eat that day my tummy will ache. I have to have injections of vitamins (had the first one Friday, stung worse than any bee sting I've ever had!).

So WEIGH DAY.
I raced down the stairs this morning to weigh myself. I was 15 stone 3 1/4 last week...

Please be below 15!

14 st 12! Wooo hoooo!

My pants (trousers) are falling off. The awesome lime green mac I bought last month that everyone comments on hangs on me now like a tarp. It's expencive and time consuming buying clothes that fit when you lose a stone every 3 weeks. But some of you will be shouting at your screens right now to stop complaining and enjoy losing, right?

Well then, ask me if I reccommend this operation.