Let’s cut to the chase – you were way out of line the other week. After we spoke I passed out and when I woke up my head was spinning with what you had been saying. I was still depressed and felt like the emotional equivalent of being smashed around the head with a sledgehammer.

Over the course of the next two days I had to re-evaluate things. It took some time as I had to try to lift the fog of my depression. It took some doing – but I gradually got there despite the obvious. I mused on the way the conversation went down and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. I still can’t work out why you’d go to the trouble of telling me that you’re great and happy and in love only to then follow and say that, in essence, I’m in a loveless marriage. Nothing like leaving a guy high and dry, eh?

Of course, it took me about two weeks to work out that even you can make mistakes. Still, I don’t let many people into my life. There’s an element of trust that is shared. You simply don’t mess around with people’s lives like you did. The arrogance of it! If I come to you saying that I’m feeling down – I really, really don’t want to then be told that my life is a lie – true or otherwise. I seriously doubt anyone in that situation would consider it a good idea.

As it happens, the fog lifted and I reconnected. I mused on how I had been feeling a little down with K. She simply remarked, “Well, everybodygets like that.” It was true enough. I suppose that the journey for some existential definition can sometimes be tiring and we’ve got to realise that. Happiness might be the road, but sometimes we find ourselves on unexpected detours.

So, that’s it. I’ve briefly been licking my wounds and deciding what the hell to do about you. It was so tempting to just draw a line and say, “No more.” I knew all I had to do was remove your contact details from things and that would be that. I think that knowing it was finite to a degree scared me enough to realise that I care too much to do that.

All of this just leaves the question, “What now?” Despite myself, I miss our chats but in the short-term I don’t think I’m willing to entertain that. Not right now, anyway.

If I’ve upset you by taking some time-out, then so be it. This isn’t to apologise. I’ve said ‘I’m sorry’ once and that’s enough (regardless of the abuse returned).

Hopefully, I’ll hear from you.

A, Boy, abandoner, unapologetic