Sometimes lately I feel like I've taken speed. It feels like my heart is racing and the world just can't keep up. For instance, night before last I walked into the living room at 12:45 am. I began walking in a circle, thinking about the things I had to organise the following day. When I next looked up 15 minutes had passed and the carpet had a trail of footprints outlining the outskirts of the room. Over and over...

I've been going for late night walks that leave the dog breathless. Maybe my body is using the food I put into it much more efficiently then it used to? Or maybe someone has slipped crack into my water bottle.

I had a nice day today!

I cleaned the house then grabbed E and went out to look for under eye concealer. L told me twice that I look tired this week! I suppose there are actually 4 reasons for my eyes looking tired, puffy, red...

1. I went to bed at 3:45 am and was up feeding E at 7am several times that week!
2. I have 2 types of anaemia since the gastric bypass that I take shots and pills for but I often forget to take them because...
3. I smoke a lot of pot.
4. I have no decent concealer.

And so I retort onto myself:

Sleep isn't always an option.
I endeavour to take all my pills!
I'm not all that into smoking dope like I was when I was a teenager. It just helps me not feel like I'm going to be sick when I do manage to eat, which to be honest is a lot more frequently as time goes on.

So I went and bought some foundation and under eye concealer and a new Lancome basecoat for your face that is so amazing it has to be tested to be believed. Then I may have accidentally bought like a LOT of other cosmetics but in all fairness it was raining and I wasn't feeling very glam and I was fucking bored.

L came over when i got home (after I chucked E in bed) and we spent a few hours having a laugh. I really misjudged L the first few times we hung out! She's hysterical and I already have a better sort of relationship with her than I have with my other mates in England! We've decided a night on the town is in order before I leave this cloudy haven for 2 years.

L left when I went to get G in town. I was fine when I picked him up but was quite cranky with him on the way home because I'd forgotten to eat all day and my tummy was killing me.

I managed some of my duck soup. It's duck-tastic. (Quack, QUACK. Oh no.. bad form!) Then I hung out with G getting ready to go out whilst he played some spectrum game from like the time before pac-man.

SQ and I went to see Stepbrothers (her choice!) tonight. I actually ended up laughing my fool ass off. What can I say? I'm a sucker for gratuitous profanity and senseless destruction.

SQ bought me 'VIBRATING LUV DUCK- your discrete bath time buddy!' for my birthday! How much of a coincidence is it that I figured out this week that the only place I have any hope of enought time for a decent wank is in the shower!
Does 'Quack, QUACK' work better here?!

vibratingduck

I got in around 11:30 and had a quick cuddle/fondle/chat with G as he was already in bed. I've got that crack/speed feeling again tonight so I decided to get up and practice some yoga. Then I saw W online and got distracted.

I'm easily distracted by W. Especially when she puts her webcam on. She's a flirt most definitely but I don't know what to make of W. Or indeed why I am so attracted to her. I believe her when she says she's never had the slightest interest in being with girls. I'm also pretty sure she never will. I think she craves attention and love and can maybe take some comfort in my endless attempts to see her unbelieveably sexy breasts that she unflatteringly describes as 'spaniels ears'.

I've never flirted openly with a girl before. I mean, girls have flirted with ME and I've been bashful, blushing and (above all)obliging. But I've never started the flirting before. I've repeatedly made W blush with my rude comments so it feels as thought the tables have turned a little.

I asked her once if the way I acted towards her (i.e. being overly keen to see her 'spaniels ears') made her feel uncomfortable but she laughed and said no. I took that as an invitation to persevere in my 'quest for breast' but then days later she told me definitively that I would never ever see her knockers.

"Never?", I asked.
"Never!", she replied.

I was gutted! Surely someone who would bestow nothing but adoration and awe on her breasts can't be banned from seeing them!? That's ridiculous!

Of course it's also pretty redundant as I leave in 4 weeks and doubt we will see each other again.