I've been gone a long time. I keep wanting to get back on here; start clearing my head the way I used to. But I've not know where to start explaining where I am to where I was when I last blogged. There have been a few changes...
After the fight in the hotel in Liverpool, I didn't feel I could trust G anymore but I didn't know how to leave him when we were living in a hotel in England on our way to move to Canada for 2 years.
So I waited. And in the meantime I tried. I got him to agree to go to counceling, anger management. We settled over here in Toronto and I tried my best but a few weeks before Christmas I decided enough was enough and told my BFF's. Saying it out loud made me feel so good!
I decided to go home to my parents with G and E for Christmas with the plan to tell G it was over after New Years but after we drove back to Toronto on the 27th I blurted everything out and WE, G and me OFFICALLY ended. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to say to someone. I was scared. Things were bad. Quite bad sometimes in those first few weeks. Threats of lawyers and everyone hating me for breaking up our family. They all know I love him but no one knew how angry he was, or what it had been like for me. Or the fact that G and I have almost nothing in common...
So I've lost almost 200 pounds. That's more than 14 stone.
I'll give you another second or two to think about that because it's not a typo.
ANYWAY! This is just a catch up so I shall continue and elabourate later...
I've been dating. OMG I've been doing very very bad deviant things. And I have been LOVING IT! But get this, I do not take my clothes off. !
Yep, sometimes there's a little under the shirt/skirt/dress action but I am always otherwise fully clothed. Why you ask? Because I lost 200 pounds and I am all skin and flesh!! It's not good! I'm trying to learn to know I am sexy as shit anyway and I'm going to get over my insecurity by next week for sure!! Again.. I'll save that for another blog!
I need to do some profiles of the men in my life recently. There are so many. So very very many lovely men...
And yet my 'number' remains 2. I was engaged to #1 and I married # 2. I wonder if penetration will be linked with emotion for me and as I am NOT LOOKING for any sort of romance I've avoided the fucking sucessfully. But honestly only because I'm so grossed out by the flapping flesh waiting to be removed by plastic surgeons courtesy of the Canadian health care system. They even spring for new breastses! HOLLAH!
OK, so to recap where I'm at:
Broke up with G, sharing condo, waiting for daycare so I can go back to work so I can move the fuck out of here.
dating=fun
weightloss=fix it surgury soon! super mega yoga nut, loving the gym
smoking=way too much weed plus 1-2 cigs a day!?
LOVING=MY LIFE!
