OMG WHAT A NIGHT! None of my friends were free to go to the BBQ at Dave Dirts with me so I traveled on public transit all the way there. I went the wrong way at one point and added tons of time to my journey.
here were loads of people there and so much food that Dave had made. He's such a good cook! Little charmer...
I walked in, he introduced me to some people, hugged me and told me to be sociable. I was. I thought I was being great. I was introduced to his brother, some friends, his cousin and, as I came to learn much much later in the night, about 5 OTHER girls he was seeing or had seen. Yup. WTF. I'm pretty sure he was just trying to sabotage himself with a couple of these girls because he didn't have the balls to be honest with them about only wanting sex.
Drama ensued. And yet I waited patiently for it to end. I fell asleep in his bed for about 20 minutes and woke up to hear one of the last remaining guests not quietly talking about wanting to suck him etc and how she wasn't sure if she was capable of being open blah blah. I bounced after that. He insisted on driving me to the train station which saves me like 30 minutes travel time. I think he needed an excuse to get away from that girl, who I actually really liked...
He was all over my in the elevator, apologising and saying he didn't know what he was thinking. I was a little cld but only to let him know that although I am very cool with us just having fun, I am NOT cool with some skanky little whore in a bikini yelling at me and telling me what a bad person I am. FUCK ALL THAT.
He asked me if I would even speak to him and I told him everything I just said above. I said I would be happy to spend time with him but that I didn't want any drama and that it wasn't classy. I also said that I no longer felt that he was out of my league but rather I was out of his. And I am.
Still, OMG he's an amazing fuck. Or was it just the thrill of unbelievable chemistry and fucking in the streets of Toronto? Oh, it was EVERYTHING!
Accidentally sent Surf a blank text message sometime last night. He responded today. We chatted online for about 5 sentences and he pissed off or whatever.
I'm so tired of wanting him.
I wrote him a letter. I NEED TO KNOW HOW IT MAKES ME COME ACROSS so if you could kindly please leave your input, it would be greatly appreciated!
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I got really high and am completely sleep deprived so I thought I'd write you a little letter 
I'm hella thoughtful like that.
Seeing you for a few hours last week was such a tease. I wanted you so badly but was so tired and there wasn't any time to get to all the fun stuff I've been meaning to do with you.
IT'S NOT FAIR I don't think I'm being unreasonable. If you think I am so gorgeous and so fuckable and so fucking cool, if you really lose yourself talking to me then spending just a little more time with me shouldn't be such a burden.
I care about your happiness. I care about how you feel. I try to do what I think you want me to; I give you your space. We've shared secrets and I think that even in this short time I'm a little changed because I know you. I don't get jealous of your pursuit of your overwhelming love and actually try to encourage you. And when you find it I'll be happier for you then I am sad for my loss.
I'm not trying to own you. Do you know how rare a girl like me is? 
I just want to enjoy as much as I can of you while I can.
I don't know what goes through that crazy head of yours but I do know that every time I become resigned to the fact that you JUST AREN'T THAT INTO ME you do something to make me think you you are. It's been an interesting game but I don't know the rules and I'm pretty certain I'm losing
Anyway, having really open conversations like this with you seems impossible so I apologise for it's one-sidedness. This is just what's in my head and what I would really appreciate you keeping this dialogue open and maybe even responding to me :O Scary idea, I know.
In short, me: adoring you, wanting just a few more hours a week to converse with you and partake in deviant sexual escapades or anything else you are willing to share with me. (see! not just using you for sex!)
x
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On my way to an all night rave type thing. So tired...
